A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.

Celibacy is the worst form of self-abuse.

Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.

Gluttony is an emotional escape, a sign something is eating us.

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork.

I wanted to be bored to death, as good a way to go as any.

I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.

I write when I'm inspired, and I see to it that I'm inspired at nine o'clock every morning.

It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us.

Let us hope, that a kind Providence will put a speedy end to the acts of God under which we have been laboring.

Life is a zoo in a jungle.

Murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Pain is the question mark turned like a fishhook in the human heart.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly.

The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.

The rich aren't like us, they pay less taxes.

The tuba is certainly the most intestinal of instruments, the very lower bowel of music.

The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination. But the combination is locked up in the safe.

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children but that children produce adults.

There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.

We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.

We must love one another, yes, yes, that's all true enough, but nothing says we have to like each other.

When I can no longer bear to think of the victims of broken homes, I begin to think of the victims of intact ones.

Words fashioned with somewhat over precise diction are like shapes turned out by a cookie cutter.